Search not for spirituality, as searching draws one away.
Real spirituality comes from within.
To live in harmony and peace…
Remove judgement.
Develop an understanding of our social environment.
Love man and animals.
Forgive.

Our soul is the life force of who we are.
Our mind also has a portion of our life force.
However, mental activities are the result of our physical being.

There are two ways to respond to any circumstance.
Either “reactive” or “pro-active”.

In smoking one inhales the waste product of fire.

How important are words as they relate to weight loss?
When we “lose” something… automatically we are conditioned to “find” it.
In “finding” there is no change.
Focus on “restructuring” the body… not “losing”.

Serious things don’t have to be accomplished seriously.
We must laugh at life.
Life is too short to take things too seriously.
The seriousness of existence creates blocks in our development, learning and understanding of things – enjoy life, laugh at its problems, and they will disappear.

The truth is something that we have experienced.
A belief is something that we have been taught, and accepted it as the truth.
Because some people have difficulty making their own decisions, they accept others’ ideas and realities as the truth.

Worry

For several weeks now, my editor has been asking me to write on the topic of “worry”. “Everyone is always worrying so much, and you could help so many people deal with their constant worrying,” she said. “People worry about their children, their jobs, their health, their finances; they worry about what other people think… the worrying people do is ongoing.” I would think about the topic, but nothing would come up. I had a difficult time grasping “worry”. Every week she would ask me, and every week I would say I would think about what to write. So this morning, as I was doing my meditation, I went inside to find something to write about the topic of “worry”.

In my understanding, there is only one negative emotion, and that is fear; worry, anger, and guilt are derived from fear. Just like we pick up emotions, negative or positive, this process is basically the same. Some people may worry about what others think or how others feel about them. Others may worry they are going to make a mistake, fail an exam, or not get the job they’ve applied for.

This very morning, I had a meeting with a man and he was all stressed out about making a business decision. He was worried about how people would judge him if he made a certain choice. We must understand that a lot of the worry we experience is caused by the values and beliefs that are passed down by our family, friends, society, school, or work. This man and I both came from a background that taught us to be careful of what you do because of what our neighbors, family, or friends might say or think about our actions.

As we decide to accept this way of living, this decision turns into a belief. The moment this becomes a belief, people become prisoners in their own mind. There are more people living in the prison of their own mind than there are people in actual federal prison. This prevents them from making decisions to do things that would allow them to expand, grow, and evolve because they are afraid of what other people think or say. This action does not allow people to live the life that they dream about living. In turn, they become upset and angry because they cannot do the things that will make them happy and content in their own lives.

When we are born, we are given the freedom to think, create, grow and evolve without limits, but instead, most people do the opposite due to their belief systems. As explained, worry is a part of fear. When we choose to worry, it comes from our mental process. Remember, that every situation always has two sides: a positive and a negative. What determines the outcome is which side you are focused on, the good or the bad.

Let’s presuppose, that when you were growing up, you were taught that whenever you had to do something, or whenever you had to make a decision, you were to only listen to your gut feeling, your intuitive feeling, or sixth sense. If you used this as the deciding factor, instead of what other people would think, you would not only would be free from the mental prison, but you would do things that would allow you to grow, evolve, and be happy and peaceful in your own life.

The most unfortunate thing is that we are taught to focus on the outside world instead of our inner world. This causes us to be incongruent, resulting in worry. We become harmonious only when we begin to re-establish communication with our own inner world, which consists of our conscious, our unconscious, and our higher self. Having this communication allows us to make changes that are best for us.

Worry comes when we are not focusing on possibilities, but instead focusing on what could go wrong. The simplest way to create worry is how we perceive things. Like the old saying: “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” – it depends whether you look for possibility or the lack of possibility in your life.

After a session, a client said to me, “Flavio, you must see the glass as always half-full,” and I responded, “My glass is always full to the top.” What fills my glass are all the blessing I receive every day, as well as being grateful for everything that I am surrounded with. Turn your focus on the blessings, and your glass too will always be full, and your worries will be gone.

If you are constantly worrying and want it to stop… please contact Flavio Iammarino to find out how his services can assist you.

For more information visit http://www.askflavio.ca

Grieving The Loss of a Loved One

Grieving the loss of a loved one, whether the loss was through death, divorce, or a lost relationship can cause great emotional sadness. Over the years in my clinical experience, I have had many clients who told me that they felt fragmented, empty, or “not whole” after losing either a loved one through death or a relationship break-up. Although we worked on different negative emotions, the deep sadness created by this loss did not go away… they still felt a deep emptiness inside.

Through our life, we have been told that in order to love someone, we must give that person a part of ourselves. Every time we do this, we become less whole which creates a feeling of anxiousness and sadness. We have a skewed belief that if we don’t give someone a part of our self, we think that we don’t love him or her and then we begin to feel guilty.

Also, we can lose a part of our self when there is a traumatic experience. Example: In death, a person will actually either bury a part of themselves with the lost loved one, or they’ll leave a part of themselves at the cemetery, or actually at the hospital or hospice where the loved one remained during their sickness.

Allow me to explain to you how I learned about this process: A family doctor referred to me a patient regarding a sleeping disorder. We did accomplish some change in our first session, but in the middle of the second session, all of a sudden she said that there were times that she felt she wanted to go to the cemetery, dig the grave, and jump in. So I asked her who was buried there. She said it was her husband that died 30 years earlier. Then something inside me made me ask her who else was buried in that grave. First she asked me, “What do you mean?” so I repeated the same question again. Then she realized that when she buried her husband 30 years ago, she also buried a part of herself with him. For the last 30 years, she got used to not having that part of her, so she began to believe that the state that she was living in was normal.

The problem of not being able to sleep was fired up by the fact that her second husband was also dying, and she had an unconscious fear that she was going to lose another part of herself when she buried her second husband. This created anxiety and more sadness because she would lose yet another part of herself. Through some simple steps in our counseling session, she was able to take that part of herself back, and after she did this, she felt much lighter and more whole. We also changed the belief that in order to love someone, you have to give a part of yourself to them – You do not have to give a part of yourself to anyone to show love.

“In many cases it is not the lost person that someone cannot let go of, but it is the part of themselves that they gave to that person that causes them to hold on.”

The holidays are a wonderful, joyous time of year, but for many who have lost someone close to him or her, it is a very difficult time of year that brings about great sadness. During this time, people think about the loss instead of focusing on all the great joys the loved one brought into their life. If we focus on the positive memories and celebrate the experiences that were shared together, instead of focusing on what has been lost, we will begin to heal and find peace. Be grateful for what is left around you, nurture those relationships, and make them grow.

We can find peace in understanding that there is no death; there is only re-birth. We are born into this world in a physical form, but in death our spiritual form lives on. If we are willing to accept this possibility, we can be comforted knowing that our loved ones are always with us.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and need help, please contact Flavio Iammarino to find out how his services can assist you.

For more information visit http://www.askflavio.ca

Become Whole – Regain Peace

Last month we addressed the topic of grief, and I made reference to a client who had buried “a part of herself” with her husband when he passed. I have done my own clinical research with hundreds of clients on the concept of “giving away parts of one’s self,” and I would like to share with you some of my conclusions and discoveries. I would like to elaborate on the topic of “taking back parts” of one’s self that are given away and how this concept helps clients who may be grieving or “stuck”.

I believe that at birth we are born whole. All of the gifts that we were given allowed us to love, have compassion, be creative – to think and to imagine. Science has proven the only emotion that cannot be eradicated from the human psyche is love – many have tried to do this for thousands of years through persecution and torture, but failed. Scientists concluded that the only emotion we are born with is love, and all other emotions are learned through experience. These other emotions can all be removed or let go through different modalities.

When interacting with a client, most therapists only look at behaviour rather than intention. Behind every behaviour there is an intention, and the intention is always positive. For example, suicide is a behaviour, and most people get stuck there. When I have such a person, I first acknowledge that the person can make a decision for him or herself. Then I ask what it is that he or she wishes to accomplish by dying. After some reflection, the response is usually that it is the only way for this person to find peace. Once the person realizes that what he or she really wants is peace, now we can work on finding a different way to have peace instead of dying.

Through our imprinting years between birth and 7-years-old, there are no filters in our minds. Everything we hear, feel, see, taste, or touch gets imprinted in our brain. Also, at this time many beliefs that belong to our parents, society, schools, or religion are imposed on us without asking our permission to do so. These beliefs can either be good or bad. Adults or events can imprint our core beliefs with statements, with which we will agree, because we are impressionable at a young age… but these beliefs may be completely untrue to us. With this, people begin to believe lies based on their circumstances; that they are not smart enough, good enough, or worthy enough. These feelings cause an overwhelming sense of insecurity which creates a need to look for love and appreciation from others instead of from within. In order to gain value, love, and appreciation, the person begins the process of giving away parts of him or herself. With this action, people adopt the false belief that if you give a piece of yourself away, others will love, respect, and acknowledge you.

The strongest example of love that the western culture is exposed to is the idea of sacrificial love as taught in Christianity. Although it is a parental instinct to sacrifice in order to save our young children, it is unhealthy for a person to sacrifice him or herself piece by piece to other people. One must be “whole” to give, and should only give to others from the overflow. This ensures a person’s emotional health. Those who give from their own supply and not from the overflow of infinite love will grow weary and frustrated. Your subconscious mind follows the language of your beliefs. If your understanding of love is that you must give someone a part of you, this will begin the process of defragmentation.

Have you ever given a part of yourself away to another person? Do you feel empty or incomplete inside? By learning to “take back” the parts of yourself that you have given away will allow you to feel whole and regain peace. It is important to understand that you do not have to give away parts of yourself in order to show love. It does not mean that you do not love a person if you do not give a part of your heart to them. In fact, once you learn how to remain whole, you will be able to project love in a way that is pure and effortless, benefiting everyone around you.

If you have ever given a part of yourself away and need help getting it back… please contact Flavio Iammarino to find out how his services can assist you.

For more information visit http://www.askflavio.ca