Last month we addressed the topic of grief, and I made reference to a client who had buried “a part of herself” with her husband when he passed. I have done my own clinical research with hundreds of clients on the concept of “giving away parts of one’s self,” and I would like to share with you some of my conclusions and discoveries. I would like to elaborate on the topic of “taking back parts” of one’s self that are given away and how this concept helps clients who may be grieving or “stuck”.
I believe that at birth we are born whole. All of the gifts that we were given allowed us to love, have compassion, be creative – to think and to imagine. Science has proven the only emotion that cannot be eradicated from the human psyche is love – many have tried to do this for thousands of years through persecution and torture, but failed. Scientists concluded that the only emotion we are born with is love, and all other emotions are learned through experience. These other emotions can all be removed or let go through different modalities.
When interacting with a client, most therapists only look at behaviour rather than intention. Behind every behaviour there is an intention, and the intention is always positive. For example, suicide is a behaviour, and most people get stuck there. When I have such a person, I first acknowledge that the person can make a decision for him or herself. Then I ask what it is that he or she wishes to accomplish by dying. After some reflection, the response is usually that it is the only way for this person to find peace. Once the person realizes that what he or she really wants is peace, now we can work on finding a different way to have peace instead of dying.
Through our imprinting years between birth and 7-years-old, there are no filters in our minds. Everything we hear, feel, see, taste, or touch gets imprinted in our brain. Also, at this time many beliefs that belong to our parents, society, schools, or religion are imposed on us without asking our permission to do so. These beliefs can either be good or bad. Adults or events can imprint our core beliefs with statements, with which we will agree, because we are impressionable at a young age… but these beliefs may be completely untrue to us. With this, people begin to believe lies based on their circumstances; that they are not smart enough, good enough, or worthy enough. These feelings cause an overwhelming sense of insecurity which creates a need to look for love and appreciation from others instead of from within. In order to gain value, love, and appreciation, the person begins the process of giving away parts of him or herself. With this action, people adopt the false belief that if you give a piece of yourself away, others will love, respect, and acknowledge you.
The strongest example of love that the western culture is exposed to is the idea of sacrificial love as taught in Christianity. Although it is a parental instinct to sacrifice in order to save our young children, it is unhealthy for a person to sacrifice him or herself piece by piece to other people. One must be “whole” to give, and should only give to others from the overflow. This ensures a person’s emotional health. Those who give from their own supply and not from the overflow of infinite love will grow weary and frustrated. Your subconscious mind follows the language of your beliefs. If your understanding of love is that you must give someone a part of you, this will begin the process of defragmentation.
Have you ever given a part of yourself away to another person? Do you feel empty or incomplete inside? By learning to “take back” the parts of yourself that you have given away will allow you to feel whole and regain peace. It is important to understand that you do not have to give away parts of yourself in order to show love. It does not mean that you do not love a person if you do not give a part of your heart to them. In fact, once you learn how to remain whole, you will be able to project love in a way that is pure and effortless, benefiting everyone around you.
If you have ever given a part of yourself away and need help getting it back… please contact Flavio Iammarino to find out how his services can assist you.
For more information visit http://www.askflavio.ca