Emotional Murder

By Flavio Iammarino

In my 20+ years of counseling experience I have worked with many clients who have emotional issues. Some of these clients are emotionally murdered every day by people that are close to them; this could be from their spouse, family members or friends, but unfortunately no one punishes the culprit.

What does it mean when I say someone is being emotionally murdered? This occurs when someone day after day is told that they are not good enough, not smart enough, or not worthy enough. They are sometimes told that their life is just a waste, and they do not deserve to be happy. It can go as far as being told that they should be dead, and the world would be better off without them. These verbally abused people, after a while, begin to live in fear. They are worried, paranoid, terrified, anxious, and they begin to believe that they are worthless, that they are bad, and that they should die.

Fortunately, we all have a strong part inside that tries to fight – some people tap into it and some don’t. The people that try to be stronger meet a great resistance from their aggressor. The aggressor will come back fighting even stronger to wear down the victim. They won’t stop until the victim gives in and becomes weak again. Some victims, as long as they are awake, will live in hell and the only time they get a break is while they sleep. But often sleep isn’t even a reprieve because of the constant anxiousness and worry. It is not uncommon for the victim to wake up in the night with a feeling of pressure in their chest from the anxiety, and a feeling like something terrible is about to happen. It then takes time to calm the mind and fall back to sleep. Sleep never feels restful. The moment they open their eyes in the morning the hell starts all over again. Some people will live in hell almost 24 hours per day. Even when they try to sleep they cannot find peace. Often those who are emotionally and verbally abused feel there is no way out. Some come to a point where they can’t take it anymore, and their mind turns to thoughts of suicide. They start to believe death is the only way out, and the only way to find peace. They do not really want to die, but the thought of suicide enters their mind often because the emotional abuse is too much. They do not ever see it stopping or their situation changing. Some victims turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with the abuse; some turn to shopping and over spend in an attempt to feel better. Some victims become obsessive compulsive, but nothing is ever good enough. The escape mechanism they choose to use is greatly based on their cultural and religious beliefs. But by doing any of these things, they are adding to the problem, and it will continue to lead to more self-destruction.

A lot of people will suffer in silence. Some will pretend that everything is o.k. and some will act in a strange behavior. In our society we often stereotype emotional and verbal abusers with a certain social and economic class of people, but this is the furthest from the truth. It is common to see emotional abuse taking place in all levels of society, from the richest to the poorest of people. Often in affluent families the victim is afraid to break out of the cycle of abuse because of what he or she feels they have to lose. The abuser may be an affluent member of society or a professional businessperson, who in public puts on a good front as being a kind, caring person. The person being abused may feel that they will ruin the abuser’s public persona and/ or reputation, which will in turn effect their financial situation. On the other hand, if they do decide to speak out, the abused person may also worry that they will not be believed. Emotional murder is unfortunately happening every day. It could start in the school yard (eg. verbal bullying), there could be hurtful messages being sent through email or texting, or constant face to face verbal abuse where the person is constantly demeaned in order to make the abuser feel empowered. We watch t.v. programs on the topic of emotional abuse and the damage it causes, but unfortunately if there is no physical abuse, the culprit goes free without any consequences. There is no law that punishes emotional murder.

There is always hope and help for those who are ready to break free from a life of emotional abuse and hurt. There is support and resources to help take the first steps to freeing one’s self from this cycle of emotional abuse. We must remember that we all have a free will to either except or reject the negative energy that may come into our life and we are all worthy of being treated with respect. Nothing will be taken away from us, without something better to take its place… we must have faith and believe in this possibility, as it is a universal law.

In order to understand our behavior we must understand that we are often victims of certain situations or circumstances. Events that occur in our life shape our belief system. Once the conscious part of the mind makes a decision to believe that a particular event, act or situation is true, a belief is created. The moment something becomes a belief, the unconscious part of the mind will take it over and will automatically act on it. What this means is, even if the conscious part of the mind wants to do something, but the unconscious part of the mind disagrees, the conscious mind will lose. The belief set in the unconscious mind will always win. Most people do not understand that if the conscious and unconscious parts of the mind are not in line, there will be an internal battle. In the end the unconscious part of the mind will always win unless the limited belief is changed. The good news is, beliefs ‘can’ be changed to shape our lives in such a way that they support us, rather than limit us.

The greatest disservice that we can do is to let a culprit of emotional murder get away with it. If someone shoots another person, or harms another person physically, they are punished accordingly. But if someone emotionally murders another person, they get away scot-free. Where is the justice in this? People who have been emotionally murdered are often so negatively affected by this emotional abuse that they feel dead inside and it wears them down until they become physically sick and weak.

To every negative situation there is a silver lining. If a person finds enough courage and strength to speak out, they can be helped quite easily by a competent therapist. Unfortunately drugs and talk therapy do not work – the best these things can do is mask the symptoms. Individuals who have suffered from emotional murder share the same symptoms as those that suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.). The great news is, there are excellent tools and techniques that can be used to resolve the issues and help the individual regain strength and peace. In my experience in dealing with individuals who have been emotionally murdered, we must first work with anger, then fear, then guilt and then with all other emotions that the person may be feeling. If the person feels they have lost a part of themselves, then they must learn how to take all of those parts back. Then they must learn to let go of all other negative memories they may have, and replace any limiting beliefs with more empowering ones.

For those reading this article, the situation described may apply to you, or perhaps to someone you know and care about. If you are suffering from emotional murder or know someone who is, it is important to take action, ask for help, and don’t stop until you find the help you need. You also must remember that you have a free will, so ultimately it is up to you to decide about your future and how you want it to unfold. You are in charge of your own destiny, so take action right now and get excited about your journey. Be strong, speak up, and don’t let the emotional murderer go free.

If you have a question that you would like answered in a future issue, contact Flavio at personalgrowth@cogeco.ca or call 905-684-1717 to learn how he can help you regain joy and peace in your life.

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Mind Your Business

By Flavio Iammarino

The success or failure of any business is determined by a person’s state of mind and how they choose to respond to a given situation. When events occur, whether it is in our personal/family life or in our business/work life, there are two ways a person can choose to handle the situation. Some people “react” to a given circumstance and some people choose to respond in a proactive way.

We have all heard sayings like, “do you look at the glass as half full or half empty,” “a pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity while an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty,” “every cloud has a silver lining,” and “when written in Chinese the word ‘crisis’ is composed of two characters—one represents danger and the other opportunity.” But what kind of truth do these sayings hold? And how much do our thoughts, attitudes, and the way we choose to react to situations affect the outcome?

In the last few years we have all heard about a troubled global economy. There are fewer job opportunities and many people have lost their jobs and subsequently their homes because they were unable to make ends meet. And yet at the same time we see new companies emerge and new jobs being created. Some people struggle to find new opportunity after a job or business loss, while others seem to flourish in troubled times coming out further ahead of the game. But why are the outcomes often so different?

During difficult times many businesses choose to become “reactive”—they panic in fear of what is happening around them. They begin to worry and focus on what they may lose instead of what opportunities could be created to gain from the changing times. The worst thing a business can do is change their focus to a state of “survival” instead of becoming more innovative and proactive. In troubled times some companies choose to call in business “experts” or “coaches” to help them to revive their business. Many practices that once made their business successful are forgotten and/or discarded in an effort to improve the bottom line. Often experts or coaches suggest eliminating the expenses and or job positions that cost the company the most money without really examining the long term outcomes caused by doing this. In a poor economy businesses should invest in marketing and advertising just as they would in a normal healthy market, and yet you will see many tightening their purse strings rather than spending when it is needed most. Not to say money should be thrown to the wind… but it is important to research and measure what marketing and advertising works best for your business—disappearing from the consumer’s eye is certainly not to any businesses’ advantage.

As a clinical counsellor and mental coach, it is easy for me to recognize what the problem with all of this is—the problem is the “focus” and where the energy is being directed. Too often the focus is on what is not there or what is lacking. The problem may be money that is lacking, and rather than focus on strategies that can create more of it, the focus is put on how to survive with the limited amount. If the mind focused on new and innovative ideas to create new possibilities: new ways to bring in clients, new products to develop, and new ways to create wealth for a business, this energy would deliver all the resources required to accomplish a positive outcome.

In my personal experience, working in the clinical, sports and business coaching field, I have worked with many different people who faced many different challenges. The ones who succeeded were able to remain focused on the outcome they wanted and had a very proactive way of thinking. Yes, it is important to cut the waste and overspending, but then the focus must be on setting new goals and creating new strategies. This energy will direct a business in a new direction towards success.

Most importantly, you have to believe in possibilities, and then the opportunities will present themselves. Stay focused on your goals. In every economy there are individuals and corporations that seek opportunity and make a lot of money and create great things by staying on their path. If you are innovative, creative, and determined you will succeed. Surround yourself with people who have the same mindset and you will be successful.

For those of you who believe in creating new possibility in troubled times, kudos to you! For others who may be living in fear, and worry about the outcome, it is never too late to change this way of thinking. You can start by saying, “I don’t like the situation my business is currently in, and I don’t know how I’m going to change it, but I’m now going to believe that positive change is possible.” By making this simple shift you can begin to change your destiny.

If you have questions about this article or need help making change please contact me at 905-684-1717. I can teach you how powerful your mind is and how, if your energy is channeled in the right way, you can be lead on a path to accomplish great things in your life. Opportunity is knocking… make the call!

If you have a question that you would like answered in a future issue, contact Flavio at personalgrowth@cogeco.ca or call 905-684-1717 to learn how he can help you regain joy and peace in your life.

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Pain… and its Misunderstanding

By Flavio Iammarino

When we talk about pain, we are talking about a subject that is misunderstood by many who are involved in the treatment of pain. Often these people have very little, or in some cases, no training at all in dealing with pain. The teaching of pain in medical school is so minimal that it makes it very difficult to understand and treat pain. When clients are referred to my office to help them deal with pain, they have no understanding about pain. They only know that their body hurts, and they want it to get better. Many of them take all types of medications, but the pain is still there. The reason that it is still there is because they are not treated properly. I begin by explaining to my clients that are suffering with pain, that there are three types of pain. When I make this statement the client often looks at me in a strange way and responds, “why hasn’t anyone told me this before?” My answer to them is, “many people treating pain just simply do not understand it.”

Let me take some time and explain the three types of pain.

1. There is the Physical Pain. This means there is a physical injury caused by some type of incident or accident. Physical pain can be treated by medication, exercise/physical therapy, or by changing body position. The physical pain is not present all of the time… it comes and goes.

2. There is what I call Emotional Pain. This type of pain is not caused by any physical injury but by unresolved emotional trauma. Example: emotional abuse, or verbal abuse. These painful events are stored in the physical, and when they are not dealt with, they will turn into pain. There is no medication to cure emotional pain. The good news is that the moment you deal with the unresolved issues, the pain immediately goes away.

3. There is Physical AND Emotional Pain Combined. This means that the individual has suffered a physical injury, but connected to it are negative emotions like fear, worry, and/ or anger. People who suffer from Physical/ Emotional pain go to therapy for years, and they often try all sorts of medications for pain relief. They become continually more frustrated and angry because the pain is still there. These people will only get better once they deal with the emotional pain first; if they do not, they will be in pain forever. Some people get stuck focusing on the physical component of pain, not understanding the emotional component. It often seems that these people do not want to understand the emotional component associated with healing. These same people generally would prefer someone else to do something about their pain. They want someone else to take care of their pain, and often don’t want to take responsibility for their healing. When there are unresolved issues in the body, the unconscious mind is communicating with you through your feelings, but often people don’t pay attention to these feelings. When these feelings are ignored, the unconscious mind will create pain in the location where these memories are stored. The purpose of the pain is to communicate with the individual, to let them know that there are unresolved issues that need to be dealt with.

To resolve issues, we must communicate with the mind. The inner subconscious is always in control of the body. Once the person reprograms his/her subconscious portion of the mind, which is where we all have the ability to make impactful change, he/she will immediately make changes in his/her physical body. I have witnessed on hundreds of occasions, people who have chosen to make these changes, go from a state of discomfort into a state of comfort… from a state of pain, into a state of relief.

For emotional pain, there is no medication that will cure the emotional pain. There are medications that will mask or numb the symptoms, but the emotional pain will only go away when the issues are dealt with at the root cause. Once these emotions are dealt with, peace will be restored in the person’s life. When the issues are resolved, the pain will go away with the issues. The issues can be removed by beginning to accept and love one’s self. The way to release any pain has to start with self love first. If a person thinks that they are unworthy, for whatever reason, it places negative programming into the subconscious mind. If someone believes he/she is not good enough, or not worthy enough, this belief is a lie because we are all good enough, and worthy enough, to receive all of the abundance of the universe.

Unfortunately, as we grow up, some people begin to believe that if they desire greatness, they are greedy or selfish. When they believe this, the lesson is connected to the understanding of the difference between reality and social belief systems in our culture/society. We must understand that the rules and regulations of our social atmosphere have very little in common with the reality of existence.

We often impose limitations on ourselves that we are too young, too small, not good enough, or not smart enough. Some people are also concerned about how others judge or perceive them. We crave to be accepted by others. In our society, there is a phenomenon that people care what other people think of them. We must understand that what other people think of us is not our business. This is only their opinion. The opinion could be coming from a horse’s ass, so just take it lightly, and then turn around and go your own way. Remember, pain is just a messenger like all other emotions; it is there to tell us that the body is not functioning at an optimum level. Once this message is understood, we can actually decrease the pain level. In a future article, I will explain more about the secondary gain associated with pain and how this secondary gain will either enhance the healing, halt the healing, or make it worse.

One of the worst situations is when people have pain, and have to deal with an insurance company claim in order to get treatment. They are already feeling weak, and they are put through an emotional interrogation of questions, often feeling like they are not believed. They have to go through multiple assessments, and stringent questioning, and they begin to believe that no one understands them; when in fact all they are seeking is a way to get better and be pain free. Often they are made to feel like they are exaggerating the pain, making up the severity of the pain, should have already healed, or that they should not be in pain at all. They feel that their integrity is being questioned. This creates frustration, and anger, and the pain continues to increase automatically. It has been proven that emotions are most certainly linked with pain levels. If a person is suffering from depression, and they are also in pain, they are far more likely to suffer from severe pain levels… moreso than someone who is not suffering from depression. Some scientists believe that depression has such a complex impact on the body, that it suppresses the ability to tolerate pain.

Reducing the symptoms of depression, anxiety, stress, and other emotional problems tends to raise the tolerance to pain. This can be achieved through a variety of methods, among which are: therapeutic counseling, relaxation, and/or an increase or decrease in the interaction with certain people and medications. The purpose of this article is to help you gain a better understanding about pain. Most importantly, remember, the only person you are responsible for is you. So you must surround yourself with the resources that can assist you to regain your optimum health. If up until now you have been unable to find the right resources to help you… continue to search. If you truly want to get better, and live a pain-free life, the resources will come to you.

If you are suffering from pain, and want to get better, contact me at 905-933-3491 or by email at personalgrowth@cogeco.ca to learn how I can help. I have helped hundreds of clients alleviate pain, which has enabled them to move forward with their life in peace.

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Surviving the Season

By Flavio Iammarino

Our everyday lives are already so busy as we juggle so much responsibility—work, school, family, friends, children, chores, bills, our homes, social engagements, and appointments. Throw in a million more tasks and events in our already jam packed schedules to prepare for the holiday season and it is no wonder people get stressed.

On top of all the extra time that is needed as we try to do too much as the festive season approaches, there are the high expectations that are aligned to the holidays—making sure the home is neat and perfectly decorated for guests, the hunt for the perfect gifts for our loved ones, preparing the perfect meal, the holiday parties, and let’s not forget all the extra costs these things throw into our monthly budgets.

For some, there is the added stress of travelling long distances during this busy season and often people try to be everywhere, to please everyone, and wind up rushing from one place to another. And let’s face it, although the holidays are a time for family to come together, for some, being with family can be stressful in itself. We all may not have a cousin ‘Eddie’ to make our Christmas Vacation unbearable but many of us can surely relate.

As we are approaching the holiday season people will experience many different emotions. Some will be happy, some will be excited, and some will have extreme anticipation. Others will experience anxiety and stress and feel emotions like frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger, and fear. The way that we feel is based on our past experience with the season.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of reflection, a time of gratitude, a time of happiness, and a time of peace. It is meant to be a time to celebrate with family and friends and yes it is meant to be a time to relax and enjoy. When things begin to get overwhelming it is important to stop and reflect… to truly understand the purpose and meaning of the holiday.

For some it is not only the stress of the busy season and added responsibility that makes this season difficult. There are many people that have lost a loved one and their absence is felt even greater over the holidays. For many it is difficult to celebrate when it feels like someone is missing from their family circle. They focus on what is not there instead of the past experiences and wonderful moments that were created when this person was present.

I believe that everyone has experienced something good in their life—something that made them happy and excited. I also believe that the majority of us have also experienced sadness and a loss in our life, whether it is the loss of a loved one through death or a relationship break-up. The difference is some people are able to make peace with what has happened and some people remain stuck and are unhappy because they haven’t been taught how to deal with their situation.

When you are faced with a negative situation it is important to state that you don’t like the situation that you are in—pretending that everything is okay, when clearly it is not, is never a good thing. It is also important to state that although you may not know how you are going to fix the situation, if you stay in faith and believe that the situation will be resolved in your favour, it will.

So what is the key to surviving the season? Take one moment at a time and enjoy what you are doing in that moment. It is the simple things that bring us the most joy. If we were to look through the eyes of a child—they view the holidays with wonder and magic. Children do this because they believe and have faith. I ask that you suspend everything that you perceive as negative or bad and begin to look around you with an open mind. It is not about buying the perfect gift but it is the act of giving. It is not the perfect decorations but the energy you put into your surroundings. It is not the most elaborate meal but the laughter and conversation you share with those around the table.

This holiday season take a little time and go deep inside of you. Get in touch with the truth and enjoy the season for its true meaning. You cannot be good to others if you are not good to you. Take time for yourself. My wish for you is that you may find the peace and love that is already within you—look for it and it will appear.

If you have any questions about this article or need assistance dealing with any negative emotions as the holidays approach please feel free to visit http://www.askflavio.com or contact me at 905-684-1717 or by email at personalgrowth@cogeco.ca.

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Emotional Tune-up

By Flavio Iammarino

Everyone takes his or her car in for a tune-up so it will run properly and without any problems. But how many people take their mind for an emotional tune-up? Just like a car needs to be in shape, and tuned up to perform at an optimal level, the mind requires maintenance as well. Keeping your mind in optimal performance should be a priority because the mind runs and controls everything, not only within you, but also outside of you as well.

Most people are afraid to be in touch with their feelings, so instead of dealing with them, they suppress them. There is a lot of fear and negative emotions surrounding the topic of mental health. The word mental health often has negative associations or connotations. When simply explained, mental health is a technical, clinical term for a person’s emotional well being. People are afraid to be labeled, or think that they might be crazy, if they admit that they are having emotional issues; when in fact, these people are only incongruent. What I mean by incongruent is, often a person is looking for answers to their problems from the outside world, instead of going inside themselves and communicating with their unconscious. The solutions to our emotional problems are always within us; most just haven’t been taught how to communicate within their own inner self to find the answers.

If a person is diagnosed with depression or anxiety by his or her family doctor or psychiatrist, the practitioner will give them medication, hoping that it will relieve their symptoms. In my opinion, anxiety is nothing but fear + fear + fear = anxiousness + fear = panic. The main emotion is fear, so when it is dealt with at the root cause, the feeling of anxiety will be gone. Depression is caused by sadness and emotional hurt, and it could have guilt or fear connected to it; when these emotions are dealt with, the depression will be gone.

Wherever you turn, people are bombarded with programs, procedures, and gimmicks to lose weight, look younger, and improve their physical appearance. So much emphasis is put on our looks, but very often our emotional well being is ignored. There is a widespread belief that if you look better on the outside, you will automatically feel better on the inside. But if you do not deal with your emotional baggage, it does not matter how much you change your external appearance, you will never be satisfied and at peace on the inside. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying that getting into physical shape is not a good thing — it is very important to be physically healthy; but if the mind is not clear of negative feelings like worry, fear, and sadness, you will never be at peace, no matter how much work you do on the outside.

Many people will try to lose weight or get in shape, but if their minds are not tuned up and their focus unclear, most will fail, and this will bring about disappointment. This disappointment and frustration will create more negative beliefs, such as not being good enough, or smart enough, to deserve to look and feel better. Often people get so discouraged because the results aren’t happening fast enough or easy enough, they begin to say to themselves, ‘what is the use?’ and then they make a decision to give up and live a poor, unhealthy lifestyle. These results are the creation of limited beliefs.

In our society, people have many limited beliefs. You may have learned them from your family, friends, colleagues, school, or society, but it does not mean that these beliefs support who you are as an individual. Some limited beliefs that people could have are: I’m too short; too old; too young; not smart enough; not good enough; having too much makes you greedy; money is the root of all evil, etc. By having these limited beliefs, they will impede growth and evolvement in your physical and emotional being.

Some people believe the opposite: they are smart enough, good enough, and worthy enough; and with this belief system, they will be able to achieve their outcome. Remember, if you are rich or poor, healthy or sick, smart or not, what determines which one you are is based only on your belief system, and nothing else. So it is very important to fi nd the right belief system that supports you, and change any limiting beliefs you may have. All beliefs are determined only by making a decision, and belief systems can be easily changed.

You have one life to live. Begin to take control of it, be responsible for yourself, look for what is already good within you, and then fi nd the right resources to help you change the things you do not like about yourself. When you take responsibility for how you feel and take action, only then, can life changes take place. With today’s fast-paced, busy, stressful lifestyles, now more than ever, it is important to make your emotional tune-up a priority. An emotional tune-up will leave you feeling passionate, excited, happy, peaceful, and ready to move towards a brighter future.

If you have any limited beliefs that are preventing you from living your life to the fullest, with optimal health and prosperity, then please call me. I can assist you to make changes that will allow you to feel empowered to accomplish anything you wish, easily and effortlessly. The power that you need is already inside of you. An emotional tune-up can assist you in finding this power, and teach you how to use it to your advantage. We all deserve to be happy and live the life that we desire!

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Beautiful You

By Flavio Iammarino

Everything that is inside and outside of one’s self is beautiful. When we look through the eyes and mind of a child everything is not only beautiful, but everything is possible. Until a child is corrupted in his/her thoughts and beliefs and “learns” to judge, compare and compete, everything is viewed in its purest form, and its unique beauty is appreciated. We have all witnessed a child seeing something for the first time; it is viewed with wonder and fascination because a child sees only the beauty in everything. But the moment a child learns to compare, the child begins to see things in a distorted way. This is when he/she loses sight of the truth, and pain begins to take its place. When a child learns to compare, rather than see the innate beauty in all things, he/she starts to question his or her self. “I’m too short, “I’m not pretty enough, “I’m not good enough, “I’m not smart enough, “he or she is better than me, “without these clothes, or this makeup I’m not beautiful enough…”, all of these comparisons, and judgemental ways of thinking, bring only discouragement and pain.

Every single thing that was created whether it be human, plant or animal has its own beauty. We were created from love, and we were all created beautiful. There are billions of different plants, flowers, animals and people; each one is different, but each one has its own unique beauty. We must look at each one individually for what its true beauty is, instead of comparing one to another.

Remember that there is no one thing that is more beautiful than another. The greatest understanding and evolvement is when we realize that everyone and everything is unique and beautiful in its own way. If you want to see your own true beauty and feel comfortable in your own skin, stop listening to others, and comparing yourself to others. When you look at yourself inside and out without comparison or judgement, you will not only discover your own beauty, but you will begin to notice the beauty in all things that surround you. It often takes a maturity and evolvement to “unlearn” some of the things that have corrupted us along our journey, but once we clean up some of these distorted “learned” beliefs, we can begin to live again with the same peace, acceptance and love we did as a child. Often children are more evolved than many adults, they view the world for what is good in it, not what is wrong with it.

As you are reading and looking at the pictures in this magazine, look and read without judgement and comparison, and see the truth and beauty in everyone and everything. Some people may have different styles or taste than you do, but this is what makes our world so interesting… imagine how boring the world would be if we all looked, walked and talked the same… kind of a frightening picture if you think about it! It is our unique beauty that makes this world so exciting, interesting and colourful.

Get excited and begin to rediscover not only the beautiful you but the beauty in everything created – everything and everyone in this universe is beautiful and has a special gift to contribute – just open your heart and see things for what they are.

If you have a question that you would like answered in a future issue, contact Flavio at personalgrowth@cogeco.ca or call 905-684-1717 to learn how he can help you regain joy and peace in your life.

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If you want something, focus on what you want.
Where it will come from does not matter.
Continue to believe and it will come.
Hold on to the intention and let go of the attachment.

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